Bad Parenting and the Things I don't care about and neither should you

A lot, and I mean a LOT has happened in my life since I last blogged. So  much that I probably should make a new blog, but I am too lazy don't have time.
I feel much differently about things than I used to after my horrible, bad year (and a half). I faced some very  hard choices that helped me get perspective on many things as well as see how stupid things are in the mommy world right now. Some of the things I'm going to complain about mention are things you may not understand unless you have older children.

Fourteen years ago, Baby Bjorn carriers were not only trendy, but safe, healthy and innovative. No one had ever heard of "crotch danglers". People had just started to only carry their babies in bucket car-seats a year or so before, so if you wore your baby, it was "alternative" in itself. The AAP recommended that babies only be nursed until they were six months old, and started on solids at 3-4 months. So that's what I did.The recommendations changed the next year. So did the circumcision one.  Now it has changed back. Co-sleeping was not recommended. Then it almost was, now it is definitely not. I wish I had nursed my oldest a little or a lot longer. I don't regret starting him on solids. I do regret taking his pacifier away at three months as I was told to do by his pediatrician, because then he sucked his thumb until he was nearly seven. That didn't cause his class 2 orthodontic condition, but it certainly didn't help.

I won't chronicle every change and every flip-flop for each of my six children. Here's what I want to say: through all of the changes and  Swinging Pendulums, I have pretty much stayed the same. It's only how I am perceived in context that has changed.  What used to be crunchy is no longer crunchy enough. What used to be edgy is normal, or even outdated. What used to be radical is now moderate. I sometimes follow advice, and sometimes I don't. I don't cherry pick quotes from the AAP about breastfeeding, and then lambast them on the things they do wrong. 
None of my boys are circumcised. This was radical in 1998, normal in 2006 and so mainstream in 2012 that I had to sign a waiver if I wanted circumcision. Next year or the year after, circumcision will be common again. I'm sure you see what I'm getting at. I have breastfed all of my children with varying degrees of success. I have little regret. You can't tell by looking at them, or by their grades at school who was nursed longer than others. And nursing my daughter until 2 1/2 won't be a good comparison, since as a girl she will be brighter, stronger and better developed anyway.  

We co-sleep. It was an accident at first that I was ashamed of and kept secret when possible. Then I embraced it and became super-proud and bossy about it. Now, I am conflicted. I wish some of my children wouldn't have been adverse to sleeping in a dark room all by themselves in a box with bars, but there you have it: they were.  I don't/can't do Cry it Out. We tried it a  little bit with our second son, who was so awful it didn't seem to make a difference. But I think it did, or it could have, and I will never know if it made him more Autistic (or whatever he turns out to be) or not. 

We are too lazy to do "Ferberizing" or something similar. Bringing the baby in bed is easier.

Soy milk was good. Now it's bad and coconut milk is good.

Hyland's teething tablets were good. Now amber necklaces. Five years from now, maybe no one will use them.

I have always started solids before six months. None of my children are allergic to anything. I think delaying solids on purpose until 1 year causes allergies and I think one day I will be proven right. Then possibly, wrong again.

I have always turned my babies' car-seats around before they are 1. I did this starting with my oldest who was carsick from week one. He vomited continually as we drove. My children all scream their bloody little heads off in the car. Until they are forward facing, that is.

I don't think car-seats expire. I think it's ridiculous. Not to say babies should still be in car-seats from the 80's but come on.

I used disposable diapers with my oldest. We were so poor that sometimes I ran out and couldn't buy anymore. So, with my second I started using cloth diapers. I used them successfully until my daughters "diaper covers" for under her dresses stopped fitting. I tried, I really did, to use them with this baby, but he seems to cry more with them on and my husband Hates cloth diapers now. I still like the idea of them, of course, and there are always new ones to look at and try, and get addicted to. People DO get addicted to them, by the way; I have heard of some people paying hundreds of dollars for a used "special"  diaper on ebay. 
Which brings me to another point: status symbols. How did the kind/brand of baby carrier one has, or the kind of diaper one uses become a status symbol?How are they a sign of your superiority in parenting in both the items' intrinsic value and use, as well as the brand and cost?  Ergo carriers? Maybe in 10 years people will think of a pejorative nickname for them and refer to them only that way and that will be a signal to others that you are a bad parent and aren't educated.
But all you did was get older, like your stuff.

Mothers' Day

What did you do on Mother's Day? Did you wipe Shitty Bottoms? Did you weep over your dead Grandmother and lament your distance from your own Mother? Did you wipe sticky hands? Take reluctant children to church?
Did you hate yourself for being a crappy daughter and sometimes, an even crappier Mom? Did your kids make you cards that made you want to be a Tiger Mom and tell them to do a better job? Did your potty-training toddler pee hugely on the first shirt you've bought yourself at The Gap in five years?
Did you have a stupid argument with your husband at the pool (over him not getting in the freezing cold water) while wrangling said toddler and bust your fat ass (actually, knee) on the slippery pool-side concrete?
And, all this time, did you try hard to behave with the awareness that Holidays and Birthdays aren't just about You, even if it is your birthday, or mother's day.
Well, this was my day, with other stuff also. Like dinner not going right,* not making it to the gym, not getting photos of the children even though we semi-matched. Breaking my diet very badly. Having to cut off the movie we were watching and without another word, pick up my glass and book and go hide in my room. Not that that is a bad thing, but the passive-aggressive way I did it made everyone feel bad, I'm sure.
But, Saturday night, before Mother's day, when I was at work, I loved (and liked) The Children so much! I was filled with love and gratitude, for my husband also. I thought it would be a great day, but the feelings came too early and didn't last long enough.


*Tuna Bruschetta with Goat Cheese, a dish my husband created 10 years ago. It is usually very, very good. But the Tuna didn't cut evenly and he accidentally bought cranberry goat cheese.

Easter

Though I managed to get my husband to attend church, I couldn't get a good picture of my daughter, never mind a picture with her, on Easter.

But when you start out the day eating jelly beans, I guess naughtiness is the next logical step.

Cups

Wondering why my 2 year old can drink out of an open cup, but my going on five year old can't?

Spring 084 (1 photo), by Kelly Womack

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My favorite children's book is"A Good Day" by Kevin Henkes.
It starts out
"It was a bad day"
I laugh to myself  every time. Even on such a small scale, I love irony.
But seriously, it's a book I wish I'd had as a child, a story of how a bad day can become a good one. Because now, as an adult, it's a lesson much harder learned. Some days, I can overcome a bad day. But mostly, I can't. The kick-in-the-stomach feeling lasts and lasts, and causes my already short temper to be Insta-Fuse.
I had a good day yesterday. I got (almost) everything done: I cleaned out storage bins by the front door, I did (almost) all the laundry, I emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, I made dinner, I took kids to park, I went through my 1st graders botomless backpack, I did school pick-up twice, I got gas, I read books to the little kids, I went to the gym, I trimmed back dead plants, I re-potted plants, I went by the store. I put together two storage boxes from Ikea.
A good day.

Fun Run

This will be the first year in a long time that our family won't be participating in the Myrtle Beach Fun Run, a part of the Myrtle Beach Marathon. The schools here compete for the most participants, and win money for their PE departments. I have fond memories of the Fun Run, which also includes dinner and a "free" trip to Ripley's Aquarium, where the run begins and ends. Well, the kids are at a new school this year, and we haven't heard a thing about the run, which is okay, because I had already decided it had gotten too expensive for our family: it would have been 75 dollars this year. (And the dinner is only a chick fil a kids meal; it used to be pizza).

I have pictures of our whole family for at least the last three Fun Runs, which is a rarity. In '08, I looked happy because I had just started a new job, lost a little weight and got my hair done. In '09, I was 8 months pregnant with Beatrice. My Ob was also at the run with her kids, they ran the whole time. And last year, of course, Beatrice was almost 11 months old. She had just taken her first steps earlier in the day, and it was SNOWING. Not a day to forget easily.
I will miss it.